So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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