Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize