You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
