I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
