Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
