I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
