no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
