Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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