put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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