My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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