I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize