And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
