I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
