I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You're a waste of cheezeits
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
