Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
