She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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