Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
