You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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