my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
