I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
