I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
