The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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