he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
