dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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