But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
