did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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