just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
