Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
