so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
