Having a random hookup so left but love u
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
