Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
did i walk over a car last night?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
