i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
