Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
