If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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