Whod you bang
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Randomize
