I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
