respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
