Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
