Kiss
Puke
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
is wine microwaveable?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
