Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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