I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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