Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize