I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Randomize
