i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Randomize
