oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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