If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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