The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
