ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize