Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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