She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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