he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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