I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
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