She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
