you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dicks are not precious.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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