like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
