I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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