Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
