she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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