im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
