We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You left your underwear on the fireplace
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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