is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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