Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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