I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
