What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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