how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
