I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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