my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
