I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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