I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
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