we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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