Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize