thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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