Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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