i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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