I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
