I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize