We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
