I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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