Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
