last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
