and you said cock pushups were impossible
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
