You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize